April, 2011 Archive
April 26th, 2011 by Adaire in Sharing Success
At this age, most of my friends have already settled down with their partners and now have their own kids, just like Liz and Ric. While I often wonder how it would feel to have finally found that significant other, I also don’t feel the need to have this special someone. I don’t know. I mean, I had a few relationships in the past, but right now, I’m okay with being by myself.
Nonetheless, I constantly get this nag from my friends to find someone, to be in a relationship. I remember one of my closest friends saying that I’m being too picky and that I have this protective instinct of pushing away by looking at the other person’s flaws. But why not, each one has her own standards in finding Mr. Right? Hahaha! My mom, meanwhile, thinks that I’ve seen too many women of my age suffer from failed marriages. She thinks that I’ve unconsciously developed a phobia with relationships having seen people in it get hurt.
Am I really afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable? Is this the reason why I block off a potential love when I see it coming my way? Am I really too idealistic that even a hint of defect turns me off?
Let go and let love
Nanette Geiger, a renowned relationship coach and author of many books and articles focusing on Relationships, the Law of Attraction and Self-Mastery, talks about fear as a hindrance to an intimate and thriving love relationship in her Health, Wealthy n Wise article, Law of Attracting Relationships: Opening Your Mind to Let Love into Your Life.
Nanette says that “Fear comes in quite a few different disguises, justifications, and excuses. If you desire to share a life in intimate partnership, you must take back your power and ask for the Spirit to take over.” I think this applies both to those who are unattached and also to those who are in a relationship.
Some people tend to be a bit controlling when it comes to relationships because they want to make sure that they don’t get hurt. Others are afraid to even start a new relationship probably because of a past painful break-up. But just like what Nanette said, one must allow love to flow freely. This means putting yourself out there, unafraid of heartaches, because this is the only way for you to genuinely love and be loved.
Be Tough on Rough Times
Whenever I feel like giving up on something because of too much complications and pressure, I always psych up myself by thinking that success tastes better if the road to it was bitter. I guess this also goes to relationships. I admit, I find it both weird and amazing how a couple ends up being together despite a series of heartbreaks caused by unresolved differences and even third-parties! My, I can’t imagine living like that!
Maybe this is what Nanette is trying to say when she mentioned that a loving, fulfilled intimate relationship is not necessarily free from blunders. Often these obstacles serve as tests of your personal ego. But if you are absolutely certain about the love that you’ve found, this is where ego melts and forgiveness rise. Of course, this does not mean becoming a martyr and tolerating infidelity. This means being able to accept you and your partner’s limitations, to gain the strength to correct the mistakes and keep the relationship going and even better.
Don’t Stop Growing
Growing in a relationship means growing both as a couple and individually. Having found somebody who loves you does not give you a license to be complacent. Relationship is a work in progress and a life-long commitment.
Never be afraid of the hurdles because these are the best measure of growth. To be in a relationship and to be successful in it, the persons engaged must know when something is wrong, must be able to recognize the problem. Often, most failed relationships are caused by unacknowledged mistakes because none of the parties were brave enough to admit that something is not right.
Once you both have identified the problem, take aggressive steps to resolve it. Even if you’re both in love, problems don’t go fix themselves, the parties involved do. Nanette mentioned self-help sessions by trained relationship coaches like her. Do not be ashamed to seek help. After all, if the relationship is really worth fighting for; fear, ego and shame can be conquered.
What’s ironic is that while I am still single, most of wedded friends would always seek my advice especially as they go through the bumps of married life. Perhaps because among us, I’m the one who’s almost always available since I don’t have kids and a husband to take care of. Ah, the perks of being single!
I know, I know, I should not be afraid. I may not be aware of it but maybe my friend and my mom have a point. I may be thinking too much about my personal worries, maybe being too much about myself too. To be selfless, yes. Once I have mastered this, I know I am ready for love.
I hope you are too!
worradmu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
April 19th, 2011 by Ric in Lifestyle
One of our goals with this blog is to “pay it forward,” to make a difference in other people’s lives. We do this by sharing stories, tips, and advice on improving our outlook on life, achieving success, and other topics. Basically, we want to help you Make More and Live More like we have.
As much as we can, we want you to Give More too. We want you to make a difference in other people’s lives. Liz wrote in our first post Why We are Here that “often we’re conditioned to think that we can’t make much of a difference…yet.” She debunks this, saying “that’s just not true.” Back then, we addressed this with the GIVE MORE SALE that funneled your contributions into care packages for abandoned babies in Africa, US troops in Iraq, and school children in Rwanda, among others.
Sending aid out to foreign countries isn’t the only way you can give more though. You can make a difference by taking care of the environment, in the process giving to your neighbors, your children, and possibly, everybody on Earth.
Sorting and recycling your waste as well as reducing your consumption of water and electricity are just a few of the ways to give more to this planet. Maxwell Jason has an article up on Healthy Wealthy nWise entitled Why Choose A Green Home? In his post, he lists a few reasons you want a green or eco-friendly home. I think going green is a great way to Give More. In the process, you probably make your home more comfortable, meaning you Live More too.
1. Lowered Utility Bills in a Green Home
Maxwell explains that “one of the most noticeable differences of living in Green home is the significant reduction in utility bills such as water and electricity.” So you give back to the planet, you live more by living more comfortably, and you make more by saving on utilities too? Isn’t that great?
2. Better Temperature Control
One of the most important aspects of a Green home is proper insulation. This keeps the temperature inside the house fairly constant, regardless of the conditions outside. This leads to savings on air conditioning and heating.
3. Cost Effective Use of Solar Power
Free electricity from a practically unlimited source – need I say more? This feature is one of the more expensive aspects of eco-friendly living, but if you can afford it, it’s one of the best things about a Green house.
4. Aids in Waste Reduction
“In order to reduce the dependency on water treatment plants, these homes use waste water from dishwaters or washing machines for irrigation purposes for the garden or washing cars and toilets,” Maxwell explains. He also adds that “many homes come equipped with rainwater collectors which are used for similar purpose.” If you can reconfigure your piping, or if you’re only starting to build your house, you can start recycling “gray” water, and once it’s all set up, you won’t even have to think about it.
5. Improved Quality of Air
“Many traditional building materials emit toxic gases,” Maxwell says. “Environment friendly homes avoid them completely because these gases are hazardous to health and can severely harm infants and little children.” If that isn’t a reason to go Green, I don’t know what is. Maxwell also explains that some Green homes “come fully equipped with adequate ventilation and air filtration for all rooms of a home especially the isolated ones such as the kitchen,” and this leads to improved indoor air quality.
It would be great if we can all buy or move into fully Green homes, but even if you can’t go Green all the way, there are ways you can improve your home to make them more ecologically friendly. Using glass with insulating features for your home, installing a rainwater collector to irrigate your garden, and replacing incandescent bulbs with CFL (compact flourescent) or LED lights are just some of the ways you can go Green, and give more, in your own small way.
How Green is your home? Can you think of other ways to help your house Give More to your neighbors, your children, and your planet?
Image by: Idea Go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
April 12th, 2011 by Liz in Sharing Success
Have you ever had days when you were just in the zone? By “in the zone”, I mean, with sharp focus & clarity of mind. So much so that everything you did & said at that particular time (perhaps during a business meeting or while in a conversational debate) that you clearly stated what you wanted to say, solidly defended it, and ultimately, got what you came for? <g>
This is what lawyers, creative directors, managers & salesmen, have in common. Crystal clear focus that wins the argument, delivers the sales pitch, gets the “a-ok” on the project, and closes a big account. It’s not just the crystal clear focus that sways the audience (or the jury) to the side of the speaker, it’s also the high level of confidence that exudes from each word – the modulated tone, the timed facial expression, emphasized by both body and hand movements.
It becomes fascinating to watch, when you’re part of the enthralled audience. You silently listen to the speaker as your admiration increases, and at the right moment, sees “it” the way he does. It’s a powerful, dramatic moment, and you wonder, if that “production” was rehearsed, or if he was simply, a natural. <g>
Roseana Leaton, a specialist in hypnosis confidence, says those who are not “born with it” can program their minds for success. In the November 2010 issue of Healthy, Wealthy nWise, Roseana talks about training the mindset in her article entitled Build Confidence Through Clear Focus.
Put on your rose-colored glasses
“We only ‘see’ people responding to us in the ways which we expect them to, through those filtered lenses of ‘prior knowledge’, self-belief and our own expectations.” Roseana says that most people’s level of confidence, or insecurity, for that matter, mostly depends on how people perceive themselves in other people’s eyes.
If you believe that the person in front of you does not like you, you will “see” and feel only negative responses from that person, even if that is not the actual case. Even if the person has positive vibes towards you, you may take all his reactions as the opposite. It is your own self-belief that blinds you from seeing what is true.
Self-esteem and self-worth
Only when you have replaced your filtered lenses with “rose-colored glasses” can you see what is good and positive around you <g>. And that kind of positivism can only result to greater things – a healthy self-esteem, an appreciated sense of self-worth, and ultimately, the kind of self-confidence that leads to success.
This makes a lot of sense to me. Our judgements, notions and misconceptions about the things around us are based on our sense-auditory perceptions. What we see, what we hear, what we feel, we consider to be true. What we don’t factor in, is, most of the time, our past notions and misconceptions prevent us from making zero-based judgements.
Only when we are secure with ourselves, our thoughts and decisions can we “clearly” see and hear and feel, and eventually, believe in what is in front of us. Which is why, it’s important that we are confident and assured of ourselves – with clear thinking and positive mindsets.
Self-guarantee is the best guarantee
In a September 2011 article, also in Healthy, Wealthy nWise, Roseana touches on how the spiritual aspect of a person can complement, and further strengthen the mind.
“Build confidence. Gain mental strength. We know this is what we need to be both happy and successful. Nevertheless, we all look for guarantees from time to time.” Roseana points out that even the most confident people still seek guarantees – a reassurance that they made the right choice, the right move, the right thing. <g>
In her article Build Confidence and Stop Looking for Guarantees in Life, she wrote that “we often lack self belief and question ourselves as to whether or not we are doing the right thing or making the correct decision. Frequently, as well, we would like to be told what to do instead of trusting ourselves to make the best choices.”
Clearly, life has no guarantees. If it did, life would not be the great bittersweet experience that it is to many of us. <g> We should then stop looking for external guarantees because the best guarantee we can ever get is from ourself – that yes, we’re doing what is right, and yes, we’re going in the right direction. <g>
It was a pleasant read for me when I saw the spiritual side of Roseana’s wisdom. Her advice for success and happiness is to build confidence and gain mental strength.
Mental, emotional and spiritual decisions
In order to have clarity of mind, clear focus, and decisions with certainty, Roseana recommends that we:
- Gather information and view it from a distance so as to see it as logically as possible
- Pay attention to any emotional reactions and instinctive feelings
- Ask spirit guides for their help, guidance and wait for their response
Our mental, emotional and spiritual sides are faculties that we can use to better ourselves, become happy and successful.
Hope it’s clearer to you now,
Image by: Graur Razvan Ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
April 5th, 2011 by Adaire in Financial Freedom
As I flipped through the TV channels, I got caught up in this show, a dance competition. Admittedly, the choreographies are superb and the contenders are just…divine! But in that episode, one thing got stuck in my mind, the comment given by one of the judges to a pair who did a Wade Robson routine.
In a nutshell, the comment was about the pair being ready for any type of dance given to them. Instead of being a victim of a dance genre outside their forté, this pair, once given a routine, takes full control and owns the performance!
Not only did I readily agree with this remark, I was so inspired as well! Just like those dancers, life throws unto us a hodge-podge of things: bonuses, jokes, work, emergencies, emotions, accomplishment, conflicts, friends, opportunities and many more. How do we take all these?
Contentment vs Disappointment
Debra Kasowski, a speaker, coach and author and founder of The Millionaire Woman, outlines a few thought-provoking points about taking responsibility of one’s actions in her, How to Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions at Healthy Wealthy N Wise.
Debra mentioned two absolute truths, “Life is what you make it” and “Your happiness depends on you”. Unfortunately, most people usually fail to put these into practice as they choose disappointment over contentment. It is not wrong to be ambitious and to keep pushing for more. However, not being able to appreciate your possessions also means not having them at all.
Example, you worked hard to earn money and be able to buy a car. Finally, you did. However, a newer model came out and you want that one so badly! You then decide to save up again for the newer model. To do this, you opt to just leave your existing car at home so you can cut down on gas expense. Bottom line, you’re carless even if actually have one because you choose to want more instead of savoring what you have.
Contentment also lies in setting your priorities. As Debra stated, “you are the one who knows what is important to you, you need to choose and balance what you want to achieve”. Recognize the fact that you cannot have everything all at once. But instead of focusing on what’s missing, concentrate on what you have and use these to gain and become more, not otherwise.
Frustration vs Motivation
As a motivator, Debra loves to inspire and empower people to become rich from inside and out. Among the most common hindrances in enriching one’s life is frustration, therefore, its causes must be dealt with.
Frustration usually springs up from not having a crystal clear understanding of what you want. Not knowing what you want is like treasure-hunting without a map or a compass. You walk and walk, pour out your time and energy, give your all, but still end up nowhere. Before anything else, determine your goals. Once you have already discerned them, you can then plot out your strategy to achieve them. Just like a map to a hidden wealth, this gives a better vision of your path, a definite source of motivation.
The road to getting what you want is often rough and bumpy. Instead of looking at these as setbacks which indeed cause frustration, treat these as challenges. As Debra put it, stop “blaming, complaining or making excuses”. You are the master of your life, therefore, you must stay in control, don’t lose it! Think about how you wanted to get this done for yourself. In the end, the most blissful rewards are those out of difficulty.
Apart from your personal goals, another common cause of frustration is unresolved differences with the people around you (either a loved-one, a workmate or a friend). This is the reason why the word compromise exists, to strike a balance among people of varying desires. Find that win-win situation by recognizing each other’s preferences and devising a plan to meet both ends.
Yourself vs Support Group
Taking responsibility of your own actions does not mean carrying all the burden by yourself. A better strategy to seeking your own happiness is identifying ways to lessen your work load and still gain more- working smart that is. Example: If you have friends or relatives with specialized businesses, seek their help and advice in forming your own.
Apart from knowing your resources, study your options. Do not limit your way up by what you know, always try to learn new techniques. With the advancement of technology, it is possible that there is an easier process of doing things as opposed to the traditional method you may know.
Now, for you to effectively saturate your resources and options, communicate clearly what you want to achieve. For example, if you want to outsource a service to get rid of the menial tasks, you must be precise on your delegation. The same goes with your family and friends, don’t be ashamed to speak up if you need help. As mentioned in Debra’s article, “people want to help others achieve, to be able contribute to your success”.
I am no dancer but everyone knows that it’s really hard to deliver a type of dance which is outside your forte, totally different from your comfort zone. Whether in a competition or not, that’s the reality of life and you always have the choice to make it better for yourself and for the people you care for.
From this day on, no more pointing of fingers, you be in charge!
With you every step of the way,
Image by:Graur Razvan Ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net