April 26th, 2011 Archive

Let Love In

April 26th, 2011 by Adaire in Sharing Success

At this age, most of my friends have already settled down with their partners and now have their own kids, just like Liz and Ric. While I often wonder how it would feel to have finally found that significant other, I also don’t feel the need to have this special someone. I don’t know. I mean, I had a few relationships in the past, but right now, I’m okay with being by myself. :)

Nonetheless, I constantly get this nag from my friends to find someone, to be in a relationship. I remember one of my closest friends saying that I’m being too picky and that I have this protective instinct of pushing away by looking at the other person’s flaws. But why not, each one has her own standards in finding Mr. Right? Hahaha! My mom, meanwhile, thinks that I’ve seen too many women of my age suffer from failed marriages. She thinks that I’ve unconsciously developed a phobia with relationships having seen people in it get hurt.

Am I really afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable? Is this the reason why I block off a potential love when I see it coming my way? Am I really too idealistic that even a hint of defect turns me off?

Let go and let love
Nanette Geiger, a renowned relationship coach and author of many books and articles focusing on Relationships, the Law of Attraction and Self-Mastery, talks about fear as a hindrance to an intimate and thriving love relationship in her Health, Wealthy n Wise article, Law of Attracting Relationships: Opening Your Mind to Let Love into Your Life.

Nanette says that “Fear comes in quite a few different disguises, justifications, and excuses. If you desire to share a life in intimate partnership, you must take back your power and ask for the Spirit to take over.” I think this applies both to those who are unattached and also to those who are in a relationship.

Some people tend to be a bit controlling when it comes to relationships because they want to make sure that they don’t get hurt. Others are afraid to even start a new relationship probably because of a past painful break-up. But just like what Nanette said, one must allow love to flow freely. This means putting yourself out there, unafraid of heartaches, because this is the only way for you to genuinely love and be loved. :)

Be Tough on Rough Times
Whenever I feel like giving up on something because of too much complications and pressure, I always psych up myself by thinking that success tastes better if the road to it was bitter. I guess this also goes to relationships. I admit, I find it both weird and amazing how a couple ends up being together despite a series of heartbreaks caused by unresolved differences and even third-parties! My, I can’t imagine living like that!

Maybe this is what Nanette is trying to say when she mentioned that a loving, fulfilled intimate relationship is not necessarily free from blunders. Often these obstacles serve as tests of your personal ego. But if you are absolutely certain about the love that you’ve found, this is where ego melts and forgiveness rise. Of course, this does not mean becoming a martyr and tolerating infidelity. This means being able to accept you and your partner’s limitations, to gain the strength to correct the mistakes and keep the relationship going and even better.

Don’t Stop Growing
Growing in a relationship means growing both as a couple and individually. Having found somebody who loves you does not give you a license to be complacent. Relationship is a work in progress and a life-long commitment.

Never be afraid of the hurdles because these are the best measure of growth. To be in a relationship and to be successful in it, the persons engaged must know when something is wrong, must be able to recognize the problem. Often, most failed relationships are caused by unacknowledged mistakes because none of the parties were brave enough to admit that something is not right.

Once you both have identified the problem, take aggressive steps to resolve it. Even if you’re both in love, problems don’t go fix themselves, the parties involved do. Nanette mentioned self-help sessions by trained relationship coaches like her. Do not be ashamed to seek help. After all, if the relationship is really worth fighting for; fear, ego and shame can be conquered.

What’s ironic is that while I am still single, most of wedded friends would always seek my advice especially as they go through the bumps of married life. Perhaps because among us, I’m the one who’s almost always available since I don’t have kids and a husband to take care of. Ah, the perks of being single! :)

I know, I know, I should not be afraid. I may not be aware of it but maybe my friend and my mom have a point. I may be thinking too much about my personal worries, maybe being too much about myself too. To be selfless, yes. Once I have mastered this, I know I am ready for love.

I hope you are too! :)


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worradmu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net